Day 3

Is it already? Am I tired! 190 kms today and 180 kms yesterday and nearly all urban or town driving with the odd long-haul "A" road between towns. We know when we are homeward-bound as we end up north on the A34 onto the A500 and join our big brothers (artics) all hammering up the A500 at 90 km/h on their limiters. Cos we have L plates on and have to be squeaky-clean we stick to 80 km/h.

Another very good day today with lots on new stuff followed by more and more of what we must get right: the Stafford ring road/one-way system and the God-awfully narrow streets of Stone. The width and positioning, I now don't need to think about but still have to judge how much lane to "pinch" to clear tight bends and roundabouts. When I close my eyes at night now, all I see are left and right images in the truck mirrors of kerbs and white lines.

"Come on, come out more, pinch some more of that lane, move out, move out or you'll have all them bloody railings stuck on the back of us. Straddle the lanes and stop the buggers from coming up behind you or you won't get round".

Town centre railings are a great idea for pedestrians but our nightmare. That and sticky-out traffic lights and road signs. And of course chav lads in their Burberry baseball caps who walk on the road outside of the railings! Well as Dave says if you can get a few of those under the rear wheels without the examiner noticing, then do so!

And I have become totally paranoid about pensioners on Motability pavement buggies. They drive them to within an inch of a kerb on a very tight corner and I am trying to get 35 feet and 18 tonnes of steel and rubber round here Grandad and don't want to take you with me. That and chav Mums with babies in push-chairs that they do push out in the gap in the railings. And at times I might have to judge less than 6 inches either side of me just using mirrors. And shift gears, range-change, and permanently scanning mirrors each side is giving me a nice nervous tic that I didn't want!

Today was mostly drier and sunny. Met my team in the canteen and our first task was to work out where the back-end is on a reverse. For the test you have to do a simulated reverse onto a loading bay and apart from the direction and positioning, we need to know when to stop. You have to get the back end of the truck onto and 18-inch wide yellow-and-black floor marking. Hit the barrier and you fail; stop short so you do; you are allowed one GOAL (get-out-and-look).

In a quiet corner of the yard, Dave had laid a plywood board painted yellow with black lines and placed under the arse-end of our Volvo with the crash-bar at the back just in the middle of the black hash-markings. He then asked us to get in the cab, sort our seat-height out and look for a mark on the rear mud-flaps in relationship to the board. We then each had to run forward for a few yards and reverse toward the board and stop within 18 inches. We each did this three times and had no real problems.

So with that, as I am first today, I fill in a tacho disc and off we go. Out of the depot, right up the A34 to the Talke roundabout, A500 east then off at the Tunstall exit, up the new Tunstall bypass (I particularly like my seventh-to-fifth gear change on this as it's uphill and I don't have to brake so can just nicely match the engine revs and glide - rather than crunch into gear on the roundabouts). Then to Vale Park (Port Vale FC) Stadium and car park Gate C.

"Now it's f***ing tight getting in here so watch it. And there's always cars parked opposite the entrance". It is and there was. And just as I was committed a car came out of the exit from nowhere and blocked me and sat and looked at me like a rabbit in the headlights (we are not allowed to 'flash' anyone or anything until we pass our test!). Traffic appeared in both directions and a pair of pensioners suddenly appeared under my cab door and walked around the front of the truck. Stress!

Then we opened the cargo bit at the back of the truck and helped Dave lay out a load of cones in the empty Vale Park car park. This is to simulate the test-centre reversing test. I will post a diagram later. Long story short: I was first and it's a doddle though the real problems start later with the C+E Class 1 and artics.

Here's Andy nicely tucked into the loading bay.

We both do this three times and Dave seems well-happy with us. Then we load up all the cones and open the cargo doors at the back to stow the kit and I notice a full, pink-reddish three-piece suite in the back?! "Ah, yes. That's been there for about two years now. It's a long story, but I will tell you one day" says Dave??

Then I'm driving again and we are off to do some "very tight stuff"! I have no idea where I am but apparently it is kind-of Burslem and Wolstanton (suburbs of Stoke) and a Council Estate. And tight is no joke. Lots of outrageous left turns into side streets with cars parked on both sides.

"Right, hold your position. See into the junction. Can we go? Take all the road, mind that car. Mirrors left and right". We are clearing cars by inches on both sides. Then typical estate roundabouts that you couldn't get a Ford Ka round let-alone this thing. "Well if you end up working for some arsehole outfit like Argos, this is what you will have to deliver to". Oh great!

Finally a few "Pull up on and park when it is safe" back on the main-ish roads and lots of hill-starts then Andy has to go and does all the Council Estate again!

We finally head down the A34 again (becoming very familiar) …..

….and into Stone town centre. Andy hasn't driven this yet after my severe out-take with the Motability pensioner. Oh and I didn't mention meeting an artic on his test (Argos driver) on the hump-backed bridge one-vehicle-at-a-time over the canal, but that's a whole story in itself.

At least three or four variations (laps) of this God-awful town-centre (and yes they take ARTICS(!!) through the same route – oh what joy to follow!).

Then back out into the country west towards Eccleshall – the vicious, tight right-hand bridge "Get your speed off, gentle, gentle, into fifth, look over the bushes to your right. What have we got"? (Err – bushes Dave). "Anything big?" And then the immediate and tiny roundabout and on down the horrendously bumpy road surface, past the Test Centre to our friendly ladies at Raleigh Hall and a bacon butty, mug of tea, and a read of the paper.

The whole mood in the cab has changed now; it is as if we have been accepted (well, trusted) as capable drivers. There's lot's of chat and banter and only the occasional prompt from Dave.

Lunch done I've got the keys. Then it's Stafford town centre again for all afternoon.

I got one "Observation": "He'd have binned you for that (examiner) – you caused that pratt in the Peugeot to slow avoid you."

"Well he indicated the wrong way Dave!"

"I know mate, but there's no fairness in this. Observation: a Serious = Fail" Bollocks!!

Then Andy did it all again in the rain……Oh dear this looks tight!! "Mind your bloody speed, hold back, hold back! Into fourth"!.....

Here we are, yet again in down-town Stafford…..

Take all the room you need….

Well finally head back out of Stafford and to the village of Eccleshall again. (nasty tight B road with loads of trucks oncoming) and some tight minis in the village. Over the M6 bridge and hang a left into Tittensor then left on the A34. Andy pulls into a lay-by and we swap one more time so I get the "home run".

This is just us a as a group driving home and it is Dave's trust in us that makes the day complete. No instruction (unless we get into a crisis). We chat and banter about all and everything. Merge onto the A500 north and I feel I am one of the clan: in with the Asdas, Stobarts, Sainsburys and all the big artics and Dave doesn't say a word; I am taking us home.

The orange light comes on the speedo dial (Uh oh – over 80 km/h) so ease off the gas a bit. Without being told, I exit on the A34 south, then and into our yard, through the barrier and park up behind some Axor (Merc) artic tractor units.

Take my tacho disk out and complete it (final kms - 190 today - and final destination). Turn the lights and the engine off, thank Dave and fix the start time for tomorrow.

Take care,

Neil