I took my artic ret-test on Friday (20 Feb) – and failed. Again! Oh the stress and the pain!
The preceding Thursday was a good day: 8:00am to 12:30pm mainly on reversing practise in the yard. To my delight, G had been assigned to me again (as I had been initially re-assigned to the Training Manager whose style is different and I didn't want that).
I was surprised to see the (tractor) unit outside the garage (not the "pretend" one we reverse into but the real one where they service the trucks). G explained that it had been serviced the day before and that they weren't happy with the brakes (binding) so there would be a delay while they fixed that. This was ideal: I knew what I wanted to fix was the "shunting" to make the most of a bad situation on the reverse. I had played with some artic model trucks over the weekend (my children were fascinated to see the white dining table marked out as a reversing pad with empty 8mm pistol cartridge cases - just the right size - as cones)!
So we took a similar artic model and went through what was bothering me on the office desk tops. Sorted! Now all I have to do is translate that into something 16.5 metres long (55 feet in old money).
It was finally decided that the fitters weren't going to get to us for a while so off we went to the rig in the yard and I started lots or reversing practise.
The first bit of good news is that we fixed why I often do everything perfectly but loose getting the trailer straight on the final dock in the garage. This is Chasing the Dragon* Headboard and I wasn't doing it. Now I know it's sorted.
Then we had several "now get out of this" situations. On one, as I lined up for the start, the bastards moved the whole "garage" set of cones nearer to me by about 10 feet (I didn't see them do this). As I came around the "B" cone I thought WTF!? I was miles out. Why? So the pair of them (G and the Training Manager) appear at my cab door and say "Right now what are you going to do"? Me: "Turn it off and go home?"
But this was good and taught me how to get out of a serious "out of position" which had failed me last time.
With a few more "perfect" and un-aided reverses we went out onto the roads around Northwich where I had done the original artic assessment drive at the end of January. This was just to get me "test fit" again after a few days off. G was great and tells me he's not going to say anything unless we get into a dangerous situation. And we do all the tight junctions we did without problems and lots more too. And what it proves is that I am now not "driving by numbers" ("You need to be in 5 by this post box" etc) but making my own assessment of the type of junction and positioning accordingly.
We find a bacon-butty van on the A49 south of
Test Day
To get my re-test in they had to double me up with another lad doing his first artic test on this day. So the plan was I would get into the depot at 8:00am (now with the Training Manger) and do a couple of reverses and a trailer drop and re-couple. Perfect each time. I've really cracked it this time! Just as I as doing a final reverse (after the re-couple) I spotted my trainee-mate for the day watching.
Then (8:30am) he gets in and immediately I could tell this guy had no chance. He did get a couple in but with loads of assistance and shunts and I really felt for him. Then by 9:00am the TM puts me in the cab for the drive down to
At least it is a warmer day, with the sunshine putting some warmth on our backs and I notice the Daffs and Snowdrops springing through the grass verges on the prettier bits of this place. The pad is still too bright for choice but we shall manage.
I am second in line behind a Bassett's artic waiting for test and there is another artic behind me. This causes problems (3 x artics together) as we have to wait while each does a trailer drop and re-couple, though the later ones sometimes have to do this at the end of their test. (I wouldn't like that).
Come the appointed hour, out come the "Three Musketeers" (Examinerss) and to my horror the Smiling Assassin (the one who failed me last week) climbs in my cab. My heart sank.
As soon as he recognised me the mood changed. He had clearly remembered me and was totally amused (in his own little world) that I had the misfortune to get him again! In actual fact it relaxed the proceeding and we joked a lot about coincidences and of course it cut all the pre-amble down as he knew that I knew what had to be done. He summarised it and said "Look at the end of the day, you are the man behind the wheel and you know what we want from you". And of course he is right.
One more time onto the braking pad (no VOSA car in the way this time) and then onto the reversing pad.
The reverse was fine (though I took two shunts to get it straight in the garage) but that was marked without problems. Trailer drop and re-couple no problems.
"Where did we go last week?" He asks me. I am thinking it was a very easy route and I would like that again please, even to the point of saying "I can't remember"! Him: "I remember:
Then out of the Centre right to
I got no less than fours cyclists at different parts of the route that are a nightmare to get past in a truck (because you need so much length of road) but managed them all without incident (or more to the point Minor or Serious faults).
Then through
As the Examiner said later: “You spoilt an otherwise very nice drive with that”.
Knowing I had failed I told him so but, said I would attempt to get us home without any more errors. So into Stone and then right at the nasty tight-right-hander towards
Back to the Walton roundabout and home. No bloody Minors in Stone – at all! – and four Minors and one Serious (hitting the branch) in total. How unlucky is that! I didn’t kerb it, just the branch but the rules are any contact is an immediate fail.
On the final run into the Centre (just as we cross the bridge over the M6 by Stafford Services) I spot our training Rigid coming the other way. This is G with a new trainee who had started in the yard this morning as we were doing our reversing practise. Knowing I had failed I thought "To Hell with protocol" (as learners we don't flash or wave or beckon to anyone) so G and his trainee got a big headlight flash and a wave from me. G stared back in absolute horror!
By the time the Examiner had left the cab it was now 12:00 midday and my co-trainee was on at 1:00pm for his test. So the big panic was to fix the busted mirror. The TM had all the lockers and bunk mattresses up and the air was blue. Because they know this sort of thing happens they carry all sorts of spares like mirrors and light fittings etc. But as he pointed out: "The f*****g fitters know we do so the bastards rob from my training trucks and now I haven't got a spare. They've even pinched my screwdriver".
So with that he phones G (who thankfully isn't far away) and we finally get a spare mirror lens and screwdriver. Luckily, there's a four-foot high wall next to where we are parked in the Centre and we pull the front of the rig over to the wall. The TM climbs on the nearside steps of the cab, onto the top of the front wheel then onto the wall with me holding him. Health-and-Safety would have a hissy fit if they knew and no, we didn't write up a Risk Assessment Plan first!!
The original plan is that my co-trainee would have an hour's drive before his test (and indeed share the drive down from Winsford) but his choice was just to go straight into it. He was very nervous and I tried to help but realised that I wasn't (helping) so shut up.
Come 1:00pm and out they come again and my mate has got a resident Examiner (Keith and rated OK).
Braking test fine then the reverse just goes hopelessly wrong. The TM is stood next to me watching and hoping his form of telepathy will work (over 300 metres) "Get the f****g lock off it NOW! No not that bloody way!! Chase it! Chase it! Oh give me strength!". My poor cab-mate has lost it in fine-style and is wind-milling the steering wheel all over the pad. (You know you are finished if you are doing that). On his fourth shunt the Examiner calls a halt and indicates for him to pull forward to start the trailer drop.
My mate had told me he was so stressed he would just bin it at this point and by 1:10pm he had. The TM and I walked over to the pad, exchange a brief dialog with the Examiner and with that, the TM climbs in the driver's seat, my mate goes middle-seat in the bunk and I climb in the passenger side.
With that we drive for home (in an awkward silence initially) but for me it is a chance to enjoy the wonderful countryside around here and all the things you can see from the M6 at this height above the hedges. Bit-by-bit our companion unwinds and we chat about the stress and nature of what we are trying to do.
Back in the yard for 2:15pm, I jump out of the cab and move the cones (reserving the bay for our trailer). Into the office and both re-book our next re-tests! Groundhog Day again!
I am going into the yard at 11:00am next Friday (27) just to do a couple more reverses then back to the yard for 11:00am Monday 2 March for my third (!) re-test on at 1:00pm.
Just to give you an idea of how bizarre this can be: behind our last test there were a bunch of Iraqi/Pakistani lads in an unmarked artic (i.e. no formal training) and the last I saw was the Examiner I had for my Rigid test getting the first of them to re-position the artic on the initial A and B cone line up. Totally screwed that to start with!
*Groundhog Day (Film) - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groundhog_Day_(film) "Phil Neil wakes up to find that he is reliving February 2 again. Everyone else is repeating the same actions as the day before, seemingly unaware of the time loop, though Phil Neil remains aware of the events of the previous day test".
*Chasing the Dragon – American drug slang.
